CW: suicidal ideation, self harm
Part 1: Never intended this body to last me a lifetime
I have a strange relationship to growing older. Today is my birthday, and that means I'm yet another year older than I was planning.
I was born with this indescribable feeling that I was going to die young; not for any particular reason, I just didn't feel like a sustainable life form.
I covered the wallpaper in tattoos I didn't want; crying and screaming, I tore myself up and left the edges frayed.
Part 2: I am making my vessel habitable
One day I woke up and had somehow become an adult. And even stranger: I was happy. Pure, uncomplicated happiness.
And I woke up this morning and still was. And now I want to live. I love my house and I want to decorate it to my liking.
Getting my breasts removed was the first step; then it was removing the tattoos; then getting new ones; then stitching the frayed edges.
On the 27th of April, I will be back under the knife, but this time it's because I love myself [...]